google drive poetry

fun fact about me: my Google Drive is extremely unorganized.

Besides my one college app folder (that is  ✨pristinely ✨ organized, if I do say for myself) everything else lives in a continual state of chaos that includes untitled documents, duplicated spreadsheets, and the rare Google form. 

yup - no folders, no organization, not even deleting documents that I know I made by accident and won't ever use. 

how have i lived 4+ years of my life like this? i literally do not know

And so, a week ago, I thought - enough was enough, and started the process of cleaning up my Google Drive so at least this part of my life has some semblance of not being a mess. 

During this process, I happened upon one thing - my old googledoc full of my 8th grade poems. Or, should I say a document that serves as an awkward portal to 8th grade angst? oh yes, we love that. 

And yet, despite all the agonizing lines and exaggerated emotions, as I read through my poems (literally 13 pages of writing), I couldn't help but feel a sense of giddiness, coupled with the bittersweet note of nostalgia. You know, the type of warm bubbly feeling you get when you remember something you used to love. 

I was first introduced to poetry in 8th grade English class - I have a distinct memory of Mrs. Wright playing a spoken word poem by Sarah Kay. From then on, I was fascinated - I spent hours watching spoken word poems on Youtube, and even tried my hand at writing a few poems of my own. (sidenote: they were very cringey). There was nothing more satisfying to me than finishing a poem - the flash of pride of completely something by yourself - something that you enjoyed, and wasn't for anyone else. Sadly, as I progressed into high school, I spent less and less time on my poetry hobby, until eventually I forgot that it ever really existed. 

And yet, by reading through my old poems, I felt something reignite in me - like finding a hidden treasure that was there all along. 

This week in class, as we read essays on what poetry is defined as, I couldn't help but ask myself: what is poetry and why did i like it so much? 

and while I initially couldn't come up with an answer, I think I finally have one: poetry to me, is the closest expression of pure wonder. Yes, poetry sounds beautiful - but more than that, I think poetry brings people into a greater awareness of the beauty around them. the beauty even in broken or painful experiences. 

When you read good poetry, the best feeling you can get is the feeling of being known - realizing that what you thought was an isolated experience was actually a shared one: a connection found in the unlikeliest of places.

 it's a mixture of awe and sorrow and a little bit of curiosity. and in that space you can't help but ask the question with pure wonder - how did they do that?