the f word

The one scene from Little Miss Sunshine that I can't get out of my head is the Olive ice cream diner scene. When I watch it, my heart goes out to Olive. At 8 years old, this is the first time she is told that her body is "wrong" - not enough by societal beauty standards. 

And yet, as heartbreaking as this scene is, the actual dialogue, is, surprisingly clean. Olive's dad doesn't call her ugly. He doesn't say she's disgusting or unhealthy. His words are not out right insulting - they even take a borderline concerned tone.

But there is one word that is said: fat. 

The dictionary definition of "fat" reads: a large person, a person greater than the average size. On the surface, this definition is actually quite neutral - it's not offensive. And yet, in Little Miss Sunshine, we see that even the mere implication that Olive could be fat causes her to restrict her food choices and feel ashamed. 

Why is this?

Just as the ice cream diner scene in Little Miss Sunshine is laden with connotation, so is our cultural definition of the word fat.

In the ice cream scene, Richard tells Olive that she needs to avoid eating ice cream so she can be "nice and skinny." Note the word "and." Olive can't just be skinny or nice - instead, the words are intertwined, to be skinny is to be nice. 

Similarly, when we think of the word fat, it is not just a physical attribute.  If fat was truly just another descriptor word, how come we hear phrases like "I feel fat?" 

Instead, in our culture, fat is the real f word.  Our culture avoids being fat like the plague. 80% of girls under 10 are on diets. In fact, in an Esquire Magazine survey, 54% of women indicated they would rather be hit by a truck than be fat. 

Although the word itself is neutral, it doesn't slide off our tongue as easily as if we were to say the words "brown eyes" or "straight hair." Instead, the word fat is always joined together with its own host of "and" words.

lazy. undesirable. disgusting. ugly. unconfident. shameful. 

These are just some of the words that come to mind.

At the heart of the issue, is the fact society has made the word fat a statement of value, and even, a statement of identity. But in reality, being fat has nothing to do with anyone's value, performance, personality, or beauty. 

It's time that we separate the notion that someone's value and their body size are connected in any way. 

And let me be the first to say - I'm definitely not perfect at this. My knee jerk reaction when a friend tells me that they look fat is still to immediately say no, as if being fat were the black plague, instead of saying "no, but even if you were, it doesn't mean you're not beautiful." I still look in the mirror, feeling dissatisfaction, comparing my body to the body type that is idealized.  But as much as I'm not perfect at this, I won't stop trying.

Because, when we separate the positive and negative connotations from the words fat and skinny, we take away the power of these words. We stop letting these words speak louder than the people themselves, and instead, give ourselves room to see people for who they really are.  And that, to me, is what true beauty really is about.