be there (for someone) or be square

if there's something you need to know about me, it's that I cry a lot (okay maybe that's not the first thing you should know about me, but....)

I am that person at the movies that cannot stop crying at the sad/sentimental scene.

I always cry when watching Up. 

I once cried at a scene from the Good Dinosaur, and I didn't even watch the movie? I only watched this scene:

ifykyk, (also if u havent watched this scene watch it and just trY not to cry)

Needless to say, when I read this passage in the "The Stranger", man, it got me in the feels (let's just collectively  ignore all the murder and ~weird~ other stuff that happens in the book):

"For the first time since I'd known him, and with a furtive gesture, he offered me his hand, and I felt the scales on his skin. He gave me a little smile, and before he left me he said, "I hope the dogs don't bark tonight. I always think it's mine."

 okay I didn't cry but wow, isn't that such a touching passage? And no, not just because my parents won't let me have a dog.

Reading this passage made me think of all the times I've needed someone to comfort me/I've helped comfort a friend who was going through a rough time. Oftentimes, when someone is feeling sad, or down, we try to fix the problem. Our instant reaction is to find a way to solve the problem, to offer advice, to somehow make it so that so that the person we're talking to - whether that be a friend, a family member, or even a stranger - isn't in pain. And on the surface, this is a good idea. 

I mean, if thing "A" causes my friend to be upset, wouldn't the solution just to be to get rid of "A"? 

And yet, too  often, as much as we try, we can't fix the problem. In the example of the Stranger, Mersualt couldn't help Salamano find his dog - even after Mersault suggested Salamano's dog might be at the pound, Salamano couldn't find him. But despite the fact that the problem hasn't gone away, that the pain is still fresh, there is one thing that Mersault does that changes everything: he sits with Salamano. He holds his hand. 

Sometimes, we don't need a solution. Sometimes we don't need advice. Sometimes all we really need is someone who is there, to sit with us in the pain or the hurt, to know that we aren't alone in whatever we're going through. And for Salamano, Mersault is that person. 

It amazes me that something so simple could be so powerful. And yet, when I think back to when I was sad or times when I was just going through it, all I really wanted was for someone to listen and to be there. In fact, most times when I complain, I don't necessarily need or even expect the problem to be fixed or the situation to change - I just want to be heard. But as much as I am aware of this, my knee jerk reaction when a friend is hurt/needs someone is to fix the problem. I have to consciously push down my desire to act and simply be still and be there. This is hard - I think as humans we naturally want to do something, to feel meaningful/impactful, especially when we see that someone we love is in pain. 

And yet, the picture that the Stranger paints of comfort is actually something to be hopeful of. Because most of the time, we won't know the answer to the problem. Even if we do, we won't be able to have the power to solve the problem or change the situation. If we're talking to someone we don't know, there's a very small chance that we'd know enough to actually change the circumstances. But in the Stranger we don't need any of that. All we need to do is be still and be there. To offer a hand. To listen and let someone truly be heard. Unlike trying to fix a problem, we can do this for anyone - even, say, a stranger. And in this space, genuine human connection is formed, and for one moment, empathy speaks louder than the hurt.