make noise
an accurate depiction of me trying to figure out how to write this blog post
ok so before u read the little POV thing I wanna give some context. On page 197 - 198 Corinthians has just been kinda dumped (?) and then she goes over how she can't stand roses and wants to escape them. This makes her just start banging on the hood of Porter's car so that he can notice her cuz she's being so loud. Now this is weird for so many reasons but I will not get into that here. Anyway this passage always stayed with me for some reason so I decided to the character POV thing on Corinthians thoughts in this scene. So just jeep in mind that the POV takes place in the same time frame as 197 - 198.
********************************Corinthians POV **********************************
When I was a child, I used to dream nightmares. Vivid multi-color monsters that loomed: leaping, and crawling through every corner of my imagination. I woke up screaming.
Now, as an adult, I can still hear the sound echo in my ear. Long, shrill, guttural. A voice fueled by fear - of childhood innocence and desperation all mixed together. Yet, in this scream I found comfort. This was always the one thing that would wake me - piercing the curtain between fantasy and reality until I was finally awake. I found solace in the noise.
Perhaps that is why the red velvet is so threatening. It always carried a silence. Velvet - so smooth, so soft, so suffocating. My childhood was smothered in velvet - my job was to make these to be sold. This was so Dad could brag that his daughter made velvet roses instead of spending their spare time on a swing set. How refined. How cultured. What a beautiful picture of a family he painted.
Instead of childish laughter or nursery rhymes, there was roses. Instead of conversation or gossip, there was roses. There was always roses to be made. Such beautiful roses wrapped in silence. But at the time, silence was nothing out of the ordinary. To be Macon Dead's daughter you must learn to live in a home where there is always a few too many hushed whispers, tense breaths, and awkward glances.
So now as I stand here, in front of Porter's care in the dead of night, I feel the silence creep back up on me. How my life has been stripped of the only spontaneity it has ever afforded me - Porter gone, life gone, meaning gone. I cannot bear to return to a life of making roses. So I turn to the only thing that has ever worked. And I make noise.
I only hope that someone hears me.
Instead of childish laughter or nursery rhymes, there was roses. Instead of conversation or gossip, there was roses. There was always roses to be made. Such beautiful roses wrapped in silence. But at the time, silence was nothing out of the ordinary. To be Macon Dead's daughter you must learn to live in a home where there is always a few too many hushed whispers, tense breaths, and awkward glances.
So now as I stand here, in front of Porter's care in the dead of night, I feel the silence creep back up on me. How my life has been stripped of the only spontaneity it has ever afforded me - Porter gone, life gone, meaning gone. I cannot bear to return to a life of making roses. So I turn to the only thing that has ever worked. And I make noise.
I only hope that someone hears me.
*********************************************************************************
I like how you zoom in on that one moment in Corinthians' thoughts and show her volatile emotions - how the slightest action by Porter makes her so desperate, which in turn leads her to recall so much of her past. The velvet roses of course represent so much - blood, fake love, and this suffocating silence and lack of freedom in the Dead household. I also like how you contrast the roses with noise - being heard, freedom of expression, strength, and independence; that's surely something we didn't get to in class!
ReplyDeletethis was really well written and interesting that this scene in the book stuck with you. Thank you for always posting early, I look to your blogs for guidance and happiness. one blog read = one less depression
ReplyDeleteI also, as Ridaa mentioned, love your blogs! I look forward to reading them every Sunday.
DeleteI really like your POV of Corinthhians. She has a lot of mixed thoughts and feelings because of her experiences and her unhappiness. This is why she goes back and forth between Porter. On one hand, she feels that Porter isn't good enough for her. But on the other hand, she realizes she is lonely and has never really enjoyed her life. I like how you analyzed her thoughts leading up to her final decision to be with Porter.
ReplyDeleteOh my gosh this was so good! I absolutely love how you mentioned the rose petals and also analyzed more about the Dead's family as a whole and how they may have acted around each other growing up in ways that the actual novel didn't discuss, such as how Macon as a father figure affected Corinthhian's life.
ReplyDelete